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Month: February 2017

Happy Valentine’s hangover

What’s Valentine’s Day supposed to be? Are there rules about these things?

I think before I was married or even dating very much I had a fuzzy idea — ideas that had something to do with eating out, cheesecake for dessert and probably flowers.

Now, like most moms, my idea of romance is at least one night of not having to check the toilet seat for pee before I sit down or putting supper on the table without having to find a home for two loads of laundry, an entire Lego city and the remnants of an inspirational craft project.

When Valentine’s dawned this year

It shouldn’t have been a surprise then when our Valentine’s started a beep.

(I wish I could say a bang. It would add so much more climax to the story, but I guess that’s a little cliche.)

But it’s actually a series of beeps and flashing lights. The plow truck, which would qualify as road-size in less snow-ready states, was stuck our driveway. At 4:30 a.m.

(Can we just pause to say all snow plow drivers deserve medals?)

An hour later, two feet of snow and the massive snow plow were both moved from our driveway. All the concern our dog expressed that entire hour probably helped.

Valentine’s Day had officially begun.

Why let the day get ahead of you? Valentine’s is a perfect day to start early. Especially when you get a card and chocolate first thing. And when your husband forgives you for forgetting his card. Yikes.

I packed Valentine treats for the posse and then crawl towards the brewing coffee. The rest of the morning is kisses and hugs and lunch boxes and snowsuits and boots and finding matching mittens.

After the 2-hour school delay, everyone is dropped off and the rest of the day is ordinary and quiet. Our night routine at is the same — ordinary.

No shocking endings here. This Valentine’s didn’t include chocolates, gourmet food or candle light. (Well, OK, we did manage to sneak a few chocolates.)

But it did have lots of love and happy.

On Valentine’s Day, I heard her tell me a zillion times she loved the fancy makeup she got. I watched him play with that truck (with real doors!) all afternoon long. We had candy before breakfast. And the excitement when they hauled their school Valentine’s home? Palpable. We shared snuggles under the blanket with a story about a mouse named Ragweed. And after bedtime? We rented a movie he’d been wanting to watch and stayed up late watching it.

Everyday life isn’t full of grand gestures. It’s soggy mittens and getting stuck in snow drifts sometimes. It’s a Valentine box stuffed full of love and bear hugs first thing in the morning. It’s snuggling close and spinning stories.

Grand gestures get all the press and they’re fun to read about in books, but maybe Valentine’s is also a day to celebrate everyday love. The love that holds your hand in the car. The love lets you have chocolate milk sometimes instead of white milk. The love that crawls out of a warm bed to give hugs and scare away bad guys in the night. The love that tells you you’re pretty even when you have pillow hair.

Feeling ordinary? That’s OK. Because if you look close, sandwiched in between all the ordinary craziness love is there, too.

What I always forget about writing

White space stretches wide.

Unsmudged whiteness glares.

How do you brave the icy page with ideas that might not even be fully formed?

By remembering this: writing is a come-as-you-are art form.

Writing doesn’t ask me to have perfect hair, a coordinated wardrobe or matching underwear. (Great life goals, yes.) Writing doesn’t even ask me to have ideas that are fully formed, perfectly ironed out or organized neatly in my head before they exit — a must for polite company.

Writing always gives you space to be yourself.

Writing only asks for you.

It asks what you’re thinking about,

and hoping for,

and daydreaming of,

and wishing.

(It also asks for happy grammar and editing bliss, but that’s a story for another day.)

It’s easy to forget. Before deadlines and publishing requirements and all the rules of the road crowd in, that writing is — in its first form — a companion, a sounding board, a listening ear without judgment (not even a quirky eyebrow) for

Before deadlines and publishing requirements and all the rules of the road crowd in, that writing — in its first form — is a companion, a sounding board, a listening ear that never judges. It never even lifts a quirky eyebrow.

It’s your free space to fill with whatever makes your heart sing.

To make magic only you can make.

To tell stories only you can tell.

All that blankness seems so intimidating at first, but when you push past the initial solitary space and the panicked blink of the cursor, the creamy coolness beckons.

Writing offers us a standing invitation to come as we are. To be me — frizzy hair, inappropriate comments and all. Life isn’t full of invites like that.

It’s always good to grab those opportunities when they come.

Don’t you think?

 

 

Three simple ways to keep writing (even when life happens)

How does writing into all the little spaces of life? How do you find your voice when there are so many louder, fancier, “better” voices out there already?

It feels like a tough question.

Sometimes I give up before I’ve even started. Sometimes the words are left hanging while the cursor blinks desperately for attention.

Everyone has something more important to say.

“The guardians of high culture will try to convince you that the arts belong only to a chosen few, but they are wrong and they are also annoying. We are all the chosen few. We are all makers by design,” says Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Big Magic.

But finding that maker’s voice? It’s an epic journey some days.

If it’s on your to-do list these days, here’s a shout out from someone else who is fighting the same battle with every single blank page. We can’t let the blankness win. We all have stories waiting to be told.

And since the Internets like lists, here are some of my goals and a few ideas we could tackle together.

 

Look at the cat GIFs a little less.

From one social media junkie to another, it’s hard to pull away. Really hard. But what if we let all those other voices in social media get just a smidge smaller? Would we be able to hear our own voices a little better?

My goal is to start small. I’m going let myself swipe and then swipe a little more. Get up to date on the baby pics, what coffeeshop my college buddy checked in at today. (Why do they still have to look so ageless? Crazy!) But I’ll let a few of those lucky chain forwards and memes and political fight pickers go without reading. A new batch will be there tomorrow anyway.

What if, instead of watching one more Instagram story we just looked for our own story? What if you sat on the steps and looked at the sunset instead of a screensaver? Or snuggled under the blankets and gave your imagination room to roam?

What stories would tip toe out?

 

 

Grab your ideas the second they come.

Don’t wait for an idea to fully form. Don’t promise yourself you’ll scribble it down when you get a quiet minute. Do it now! On that phone notebook app, a napkin, the back of your hand.

I’ve lost so many ideas because I file it away in my head thinking I’ll jot it down in a minute. Or tonight. Or I tell myself I need to think that idea through later. But then life happens and only the scattered crumbs are left behind. My new goal: scribble it down and stash the idea. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it’s important to give inspiration more respect. Honor the fact that she picked you.

 

Fear might slow you down, but don’t let it halt progress.

One of my favorite (and one of the funniest) writers, Jon Acuff, had this to say about listening too much to what other people say: “I’ve been told I can’t write. I’ve been told I can’t start a business. I’ve been told I can’t make it. I’ve been told don’t. And so have you. But never let people who won’t, tell you don’t.”

Lots of people, even accidentally, tell us what we can’t do. Those are usually the people who let fear stop their own progress. Fear can be a pushy boss. He likes to get your face and shout about unknowns and what ifs. The more you listen, the louder he talks.

Fear doesn’t really ever stop talking. You have to figure your own way to keep moving while he keeps talking. It’s alright if you don’t move at warp speeds. Progress isn’t about breaking speed limits; it’s about moving forward and never giving up.

 

So, this year, I might not hit any best-seller lists or make enough to buy a vacation home, but it’ll still be a success if I mess up a bunch of times and keep going, refresh my newsfeeds less and and grab my ideas the second they come.

How do you stay inspired to write?